Morning Time

should we believe in dreams and miracles?
If so..how far may us be carried away?
why is it in the world full of trial and error..risking our own emotional side, when we go too close..
but if we didn't try to step in, we would never know..
because we never know what the future may brings..

You'll see deep within yourself how strong you can barely stand up for this..
but somehow you fail to uncover your own ability..
and end up trying, and there lies the possibility for you to get crashed and hurt..

Sufism

I will have to read on you

even though I'll probably get my hair falls because of the confusion it may bring..lol

Fragile

"Amanda..please be opened to your surroundings...
use your time well,,don't spend much time on Facebook..
otherwise, you'll just get to stay dreaming..." (text I got this afternoon)

Ya Allah..I really don't know what I have to do..
I am opened..I am..to anyone I meet..anyone..
I make friends..I stay connected with people, friends...whoever
I don't make a fight with anyone
I give my smile to anyone I meet on the streets, in the canteen, even in the restroom
I don't dump anyone..
I don't do crazy things in public
I behave quite well I guess..nothin is wrong with it (at least for me)


but the fact is..


everyone keeps saying
"you are such an exclusive girl..hard to get..
hard to please..do not socialize, gather and hang out often with your friends.."

"Wow..you are hanging out tonight! what a surprise! I thought what you were doing was just studying, studying and studying. Welcome..!"

"Hey Amanda..why are you just by yourself here? Where are your friends?"



Thanks a lot for all the comments, greetings and everything, guys

But really people, I am NOT that kind of person!


I'm sorry if I'm having this "no smile" face that you always see in school, lab or wherever
but I was might be just tired when I didn't smile much..or had been having a bad day..

I'm sorry if I don't socialize, gather or hang out much with you, guys..
But actually I LOVE hanging out, socializing with people and so on..
the thing is just I am busy doing a lot of works..and I am kind of person who don't feel right hanging out too often..once in a month is acceptable for me though and it is considered enough
Yes, I'm not such a 'having fun always' girl..I'm sorry for that..for giving you an impression that I am an exclusive girl..but I am totally NOT!

And it's no surprise for you to see me walking down the street in school alone, eating just by myself reading books or lecture notes or my anatomy note summary..
The reason why is that I just don't like being attached and dependent so much on other people
I will be with somebody if I meet them on the way and we are in the same direction..hence I won't be alone..
So I LOVE being with firends and I LOVE being just by myself..
..I am just doing my best to be an independent woman one day..




Sorry to write this kind of "heart scream" here..I just want everyone to know..those of you who care..who read this note without being tagged..



This is Amanda, hope you can understand

The Happines Has Been Born

The baby was born healthy..named Adzra Sekarsari Abidah..such a pretty name that means a beautiful girl who is devoted to pray..

Hope this happiness could make you happy forever..

I Carry Your Heart with Me

carry your heart with me (I carry it in my heart)
I am never without it (anywhere i go you go ,my dear;
and whatever is done by only me is your doing, my darling)
I fear no fate (for you are my fate,my sweet)
I want no world (for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

Here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that’s keeping the stars apart…

I carry your heart (I carry it in my heart)

(a poem by E.E. Cunnings. I know this from the movie “In Her Shoes” )

sweet..

The Best

Sometimes, the one you want wouldn’t be the best for you

You wanted it so bad, you put your hardest efforts to reach it but you didn’t get it at the end

Disappointment, sadness, grief, broken heart..it’s always all about them

We often didn’t realize that what we’ve got were the best for us

He is the One who knows what’s the best, Allah knows that very well

The best one does not mean we have to feel good about it

Bitter thing is sometimes the one…

Just face it that we can’t always get what we want

it sucks..but that's life..

A Tough Year Has Passed By

Retro orbital headache-Sneezing-Rhinorrhea-Myalgia

that's what I felt yesterday afternoon. I laid my body on the bed, held my pillow firmly and pulled my blanket over me. Huff..I thought I might got a fever or somethin..Trying to fall asleep but unfortunately I couldn't. So I just kept my eyes closed, thinking about nice things to forget those pain I felt and hopefully I could got into sleep. But..it also didn't work..fiuhh!

Instead of nice things coming up to my mind, all I got was a kind of introspection for the last tough year I passed. I never thought I could pass everything happened last year, since August 2008 - August 2009. I'm telling you..a lot of tough things happened last year and I had never thought I could survive and be just OK now.

You know..sometimes when we are 'depressed' (not in medical definition of course :) ) facing many problems in our life we probably would think "am I going to get through this well?", "am I going to be fine?", "how to get rid of this guilt?", "If only I could change the past", "I want to run!", etc..

But one thing to remember, we have our God..Allah is always there for us as long as we look forward to Him..by surrendering ourselves to Him, praying for the best for us, doing good things to other people, and we do want to change ourselves to be the better ones, we would feel like all burdens have been taken away from us..and life is just going on..time is just passing by..til at one point you'll realize "wow..I'm here now standing still..staying OK..I can do these"

Life is just so fast.. you won't realize that you have gone through loads of moments, glories, loves, games, hatred, and also problems.

Amanda..you need to change..

do the best on everything..and believe that Allah is always there for you..

you are here now..you've passed everything well..and you are OK

do your best efforts, keep praying to Allah and surrender everything after you've tried your best!

It was really a tough year for me..and I've passed them all..

Alhamdulillah Ya Allah.. ^_^

jeffm1116

he made a Yahoo account.. ^^

Fake

The thought that might comes into mind is "Oh, maybe this one would be different"..but in fact, the most outcome is 'nothing'

Girls, you should think what you are doing and really consider where all those things would lead you to

Sometimes, we pretend to have somethin 'fake'.."Oh, we've been completely fine"..til that statement be broken by 'a new comer'...no matter the new comer is a long-lasting or the 'eye-blink speed' one

When that person turn his back on you, you pretend that you don't care..and say "so be it..who cares"
but you bleed hard inside...

that's awful, isn't it..

so please be honest to yourself and to 'that person'...say you got that hatred if you really do

and say you miss him if you feel that way too..




-scattered-

Family Photossss

Akhirnyaaaaa....

Setelah menunggu berjuta-juta abad lamanyaaa...keluarga gwe jadi juga foto bareng! hwah..
Awalnya seru-seru pada mau pake baju ijo..akhirnya berhubung ngga ada..pake kerudung ijo aja jadi...hehehehew~

Back in Med School

Akhirnyaaa......aku kembali juga ke tempat dimana aku seharusnya beradaa.....

senangnyaaaaaaaaaaaa ^_^

Experience is The Best Teacher

"Experience is the best teacher"



I guess that classic quote has been proved in my life in this last six months
To much to say to depict what happened
The moon might be fallen asleep if she listens to my stories


Speak less, but listen more
Catch every single moments and I bet you would never regret it
No matter how bitter the moment is
...catch it, feel it, hear it, touch it...
...subtly understand what lies behind...

Everything happens with a purpose
Nothing in this world is useless
...even a super small piece of dust...
God has created everything with His big plans



Thus..


I would like to thank God for everything happened or would happen in my life
Without judging Him for not loving me by giving me hardships

God loves us with His way of giving us what we need
...not what we want...






-a girl with thousands thoughts inside her mind-

I will see you later, friends...

And I never thought I'd feel this way
And as far as I'm concerned
I'm glad I got the chance to say
That I do believe I love you

And if I should ever go away
Well, then close your eyes and try to feel
The way we do todayAnd then if you can remember

Keep smilin', keep shinin'
Knowin' you can always count on me, for sure
That's what friends are for
For good times and bad times
I'll be on your side forever more
That's what friends are for

Well, you came and opened me
And now there's so much more I see
And so by the way I thank you

And then for the times when we're apart
Well, then close your eyes and know
These words are comin' from my heart
And then if you can remember, oh

Keep smiling, keep shining
Knowing you can always count on me, for sure
That's what friends are forIn good times, in bad times
I'll be on your side forever more
That's what friends are for

(..That's What Friends Are For..)


.....everything in life is created in dualism....
male-female.black-white.tall-short.good-bad.shallow-deep.happiness-sadness.love-hate.dirty-clean.able-disable.full-hungry.patience-anger.start-end.
and also for hi and goodbye

I wonder why there must be such thing as 'goodbye'
Why don't we meet...stay together forever..and never be apart..

The feeling inside started from zero..
then as time went by, it was cultivated by time, cares and love surrounding it

A little thing as 'Hi' sounds very simple and sinless..
but soon you will realize that it can also bring you down when 'goodbye' cut its thread..

Why there must be such thing as 'goodbye' in life..??

Hugging your friends feels really calming..
but when you hug them when they are about to leave you...it does feel hurt..

a brief phone call (even just a minute or maybe less) feels nothing
but when your friends call you to say goodbye..a second is worth the world..

I tried not to cry when letting my friends leave..
..I just couldn't help it..

I did still cry

I hate this feeling..
feeling of being left
feeling of not knowing when we can see each other again
feeling of loneliness

I tried to convince myself that:
saying goodbye doesn't literally means 'goodbye' and not going to meet anymore
just don't think about the goodbye...but think about the day when we will meet again..on how we can work on that to come true..to hug our friends again like we used to do..
think about how many more people in the world that we can still meet and get experiences from
..think about the unpredictable good things that possibly could happen in the following times..
(my friend, Pavan told me about these things this morning-right after Jeff left)

I did cry...I wish I could have stop the time..and had all my friends together with me..

I hate a last hug
I hate a last smile

...I hate saying goodbye...




You will be always in my heart, friends












dedicated for: all my friends in this last semester in NTU...I love you all

NTU Exams

!Buenas noches, mi amigos!

I was rubbish really, today..didn't do much works or activities,,fiuhh...hate this!

I think writing down on my blog would be somethin fun and productive...making records-at least

Mmmmm.....

Mmmmm.....

I had four exams in NTU as my final. The first one was my Psychology exam on 15th of April. It was pretty tough, I had 60 multiple choice Qs, 30 fill-in the blanks and 3 essays out of 5 that we could choose ourselves. 

 But the most interesting fact was that I had the other THREE exams in one day on 23rd of April..! They were:

09.00 - 11.30 Biomedical Devices

13.00 - 15.30 Anatomy and Physiology

17.00 - 19.00 Spanish

First I thought I could do all these easily...but then...as I sat on the examination hall...Oh Man! I could say that 75% of the questions were essay questions!! Can you imagine writing down your answer, every thoughts you have in your head in almost 7 hours time???? haiiihh!

I truly became really really slanted after the second exam! 

Biomedical Device gave us 30 multiple choice Qs and 8 essays

Anatomy and Physiology had 30 multiple choice Qs and 11 essays with gradually increasing loads and points

Spanish gave us as what language exam always do (reading passages, short answer Qs on grammar and vocabularies and writing skill parts)

I did a lot of hands stretching in the middle of the test..seriously..haha~

NTU exams were SUPER stiff-ing! :(   --> I enjoyed them though..as experiences..

Other thing that was quite unique!

The exam rules prohibit us from bringing inside the examination hall turned on cell phones.

The fact that I had no watch brought me to this silly sounded and awkward looking idea --> bring my friend's medium sized desk alarm clock to the exam hall (Dweerrr!!)

silly..?

stupid..?

Yes, I admit...

nobody did the same thing...unless they had the same fate as I did (haha~)

As I walked down the exam hall towards my exam table, I caught many eyes were staring at me with my alarm clock...including the lecturers! hwaaa~ I was totally embarrassed but I had no choice..I didn't want to risk my exaaamsss! 

Like..there was this lecturer staring at me..might be he was wondering why I brought that kind of thing inside the exam hall..and put it on my very small exam table...and perhaps he got worried that my alarm clock would rang at some point of time! hahaha~

Spanish exam gave me a bit space for relaxing my mind, my eyes and my fingers...I made one smile when I read my own essay on 'Mi Familia'....hahaha~ (hopefully I could get a good mark on that! >_<) ameen!

and after I finished the spanish test, I took some pictures of me together with that embarrassing medium sized desk alarm clock....huhuhu~

At The Neuroscience Clinic-National University Hospital, Singapore

If you see my FaceBook page a couple of nights back, then you will find a status updates of "Amanda Nur Shinta Pertiwi is very very happy today! yay! ~ Prof E. Wilder Smith, thanks for the teaching! ^_^"

Started from my uncle's visit to Singapore
He came here looking for a second opinion regarding the illness that he has been suffering from in the last two years. He was diagnosed to suffer from Guillain-Barre Syndrome (GBS), an autoimmune disease of the peripheral nervous system in May 2007. He has undergone through several therapies for GBS and physiotherapy as well to keep his muscles working and prevent them from atrophy-ing..(i dunno the appropriate word for that..). After one year, the diagnosis then was changed into Chronic Inflammatory Demyelinating Polyneuropathy (CIDP) because GBS is acute (..most of its case cease less than one year time) while my uncle had a 'one-year more' one.
So then he decided to go to National University Hospital (NUH) in Singapore to get his second opinion. The reason why he chose NUH was because it was recommended by some of his clients at work........

this is a pic of NUH..


That day, I accompanied him in NUH to see the doctor as a translator (hehe~)..there was my aunty also though, so we were in three that time. My aunty and my uncle explained everything they would like to know..especially about what exactly his diagnosis was and whether there would be any possibilty towards full-recovery or not. I said "Okay, uncle..!" :)
(*the fact: on the next 2 days I would have 3 exams IN A ROW as my final exams in NTU..!!!!! haha)

--> I brought along my spanish notes to the hospital..and read them whenever I could..even just a brief moment in the elevator! haha~ imagine...3 exams IN A ROW!!


"I realize that was what I had to do as a family and I am happy about my decision...helping out relatives even you have to sacrifice your own good..(not really sacrificing..but risking ur good..) anyway, I learned a lot from this experience...keep reading!" ^_^


We were sitting in front of the consultation room waiting for my uncle's name to be called. Finally we met the doctor, his name was Einar Wilder Smith...from Switzerland (I knew cuz I asked him where he is from! hehe~).
He is a:
- Professor & Senior Consultant Neurologist. Department of Medicine, Yong Loo Lin School of Medicine, National University of Singapore
- Director, Clinical Neurophysiology, National University Hospital
- Chair, Laboratory Research Committee, Department of Medicine
- Chair, Chapter of Neurology, College of Physicians, Singapore
- Chair, educational committee, Asian Society of Neurologists (ASNA)
wooww...woww..wowww...enough (..or too much??) in education background and activities eh?! haha..anyway, he was really a cool guy :) oops...a cool doc... ;-p

In the consultation room, I spoke most of the time, maybe 99% of time! haha~ cuz my uncle went temporaily speechless and english-less..so I translated in a two-way fashion! uncle-doc and doc-uncle...hwah...!

He spent more than 30 minutes with us I guess. He did his anamnesis (history taking) in a quite long time..he was slowly speaking..honestly, at that time I thought that he had not taken his breakfast..! but then soon I realized that he was being a doctor to a foreigner..whose english was not guaranteed as 'in a very good ability'..ok doc, I did understand :) After the anamnesis, he performed some neurology examinations, then he finally came upon his suggestion that my uncle was not suffering from CIDP..but AMAN (Acute Motor Axonal Neuropathy), one form of GBS.
He was pretty sure, but he needed to exclude the previous diagnosis and confidently stating his own diagnosis by doing some examinations for the confirmation, Nerve Conduction Test and USG to see the spinal nerve roots (whether they were swelling or not).


"There I got some new knowledge: By doing USG to see the size of the spinal nerve roots --> CIDP will cause them to swell due to the ongoing inflammation, but AMAN will not have the spinal nerve roots swollen..because in GBS the inflammation is monophasic, so all that remains is only the broken pieces of the 'fire hazard' "


We ate and then went to the neurology diagnostic lab where my unce would be undertaken through some 'exciting' examinations (for me..they were exciting..)
First, he was undergone the Nerve Conduction Test which was performed by a lab assistant. Waiting for quite some time, finally the doc came and checked out the Nerve Conduction Test result and continued to the next exam which he did himself..USG of the spinal nerve roots.
Exciting!!! yay!

you know, it was my first time seeing 4D USG device, Nerve Conduction Test being peformed and USG examination also being conducted (for real..!!)...because I am not yet a clinical student hey... :( still got 1 more year to go..so that's why I got soo excited! haha~

Here is the pic of 4D USG I saw in that EMG room


I asked the doc for a permission to see how he conducted the spinal nerve roots imaging by USG. I hopped to the back of the examination bed right at the back of my uncle's head..the doc faced me backwards..so I could also see the USG screen (can u imagine our position??) anyway...
The doc asked me "Are you a medical student?" and definitely I said "yea, I am..I'm a med student, doc" smile was also ON in my face..hihi~ then he replied "hmm..that's why you get so much excited as how normal people are not used to be"...hahaha~
Then he asked me whether I like my med school or not, how my study is, and what I want to be in the future..and we also talked a lot in medical jargons while he was conducting the USG..so my uncle and aunty didnt know what we were talking about..huhu~BUT the special thing happened that time was when I asked him how he could say that the black area he found was the spinal root..he answered that with an EXPLANATION....he really did teach me about how to find a spinal roots by USG..while he was still doing it. It was absolutely an experience for me!! :)


See...the only thing which came into my mind that time was: he is more than a specialist..but he still did the examination himself..he still got more patients to get done though..and there will be some assistand who would help him doing so if he asked them to..but he did it himself..and when I asked an annoying Q i mentioned above, he replied that by an explanation..really counts as an EXPLANATION..he did teach me how..Oh man! he is not my teacher..not even an expert lecturer..but he spoke up and answered my Q in a very clearly fashion..by an explanation ^_^ because not all doctors will do the same thing.. Thanks a lot doctor Smith for your teaching!!
this is the pic of that wonderful doctor:



Yea, I got many new knowledge on neurology that day..especially on CIDP and AMAN..yay!
this is my hapiness from doctor Smith

the other one was that..


The real happiness is when you give yourself..you devote yourself, your time or even your belongings for others' good..especially when they get much better by it. Always do anything with a good intention..Allah knows what the best for us are..and Allah loves people who help each other in a good conducts :)

I can feel that after I finished my final exams..you know, I didnt feel even a single regret of spending more than a half day in the hospital..losing so much my studying time. Actually I didn't lose anything..I gained things! :)
I loved to see my uncle and aunty smiled after finally they figured out what was going on within my uncles's body...they also were really satisfied with the doctor's service (even though I spoke up mostly..haha~), they loved having me there with them, accompanying them shopping in Orcahrd the day before, having a chat with them in NTU cafe, accompanying them see the doc clarifying doubts..so they could go home at ease :) and now they can boost what they have towards my uncle's best recovery..altough it DOES take time


P.S.: uncle...get better soon, keyh..?! :) -Luv u-

A Killer yet still A Reliever

Cookies and Cream ice cream..yummiieee!!! --> my favorite!

Losing weight and consuming ice cream have become my dilemma until now
I 'need' to lose some weight...but I also 'need' my ice cream....hahaha --> A Killer!

But wait..
we cannot just blame ice cream as people used to...ice cream can also function as a stress-reliever
trust me?? nope...yea??
yea, really...especially when there's chocolate portion in it (chocolate can induce more secretion of endorphine in our body, other than our body natural mechanism, hugging and some others..) --> A Reliever!

so maybe we can blame ice cream..but not my cookies and cream..! lalalala~

do you think consuming ice cream two times in a week is considered 'too much'..??




I want my ice cream!

First Post - Procrastination

It's 1.25 am 'NTU-my friend's alarm clock' Time

Hmm..last night I actually intended to study the cardiovascular system, the respiratory system, and the excitable tissues for the EXAMSSS!!
but..I don't know why I have been procrastinating..and even created A BLOG tonight!!
hahahaha..~ (*should I laugh by the way..??)

Anyway..hopefully it's a good start to keep my life stay in records ^_^
+ improving my skills on writing...I am super bad at it! haishhh...


HANDOUTS...please be friendly to me tonight.....