He Broke My Chair..!!

Aidil and Amanda

July 1st, 2010 was our special day..

Tembem

My Bestie!

Anas, that is how we call her in the house. Well me is a bit different, I love to call her by 'Eneezz'..cuz that just simply sounds crazy and she deserves that..LOL (peace, Neezz!!_ :-D and she calls me with "Emm" back.

She is one of my besties. We live under the same roofs in Jogja aka House mates. So why am I writing on this blog about her? Because she left the house this morning forever..she left for work in Jakarta.I was a bit annoyed that she didn't tell me she would leave the house today..I tried not to let my tears coming out of my eyes when I saw her packed everything up to the car with her family in the front yard. I kept telling her "How cruel you didn't tell me you're leaving today!"..and for the first time she hugged me at the first place :-) and that helped me a bit from burst in tears..besides, she will work in Jakarta, only 1,5 hours by car from my hometown. So it wouldn't be our last meeting anyway inshaAllah. But still I was pretty sad that she left..I hate goodbye.

This is kinda funny how we found click on each other..We strolled down "Sunday Morning Market" (that's how it's called here) along with other house mates that Sunday morning almost 2 years ago. When suddenly we talked about tattoes and both of us loved them..LOL. Ever since, we were becoming closer :-)

I love the way she is..she is a non-talkative, strong-willed pretty woman. She doesn't show her personal problems publicly like I do, she doesn't talk much like I do, she eats a lot but never gained any weight exactly just like I've never done!! LOL. She has beautiful white skin whereas mine is a bit tanned, she looks a bit like Katy Perry while I look much like a pretty Indian actress..hahahaha. Ok ok ok..enough for the description.. :-pOverall I like this girl so much that we have some interests in common..loving tats, we're crazy about movies and being hiddenly-crazy sometimes..despite some things we have in different too, like she fonds of cool chinese guys while me, I'd prefer handsome western guys or just indonesian guys over chinese..lol.

She always says that I am a naive girl...(which is true..sigh~) this is where you hit me, Nez.. (self confession..lol)

I like telling her stories about my life..she's a very good listener though sometimes she got annoyed when I asked her for some advises but I just wouldn't do that..haha. Sorry, Enn!! I am just way uncontrolled sometimes and can't think straight!

Watching movies with her is a nice activity we did almost every weekend in the house.

Going out to the mall, dining out in some small restos nearby, shopping some accessories or clothes, and talking about people (this is bad..bad..bad..lol) are what we did together :-)

And the last activity we did was watching two bad quality horror movies on the second floor in the house..while having our breakfast on Saturday morning this week.



Eneeeeszzzz....ngga mau tau pokoknya we should catch up in Jakarta yaaaaa...!! :-D




LUV you, bestie.. :-)

LOVE

"Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two."

-St. Augustine

No Longer You Visit Me in My Dreams

As the nights slowly fade to darkness,

And your face is no longer in my head,

I can't help but wake up in the middle of the night,

Thinking of the words you said

Just to hear your soft voice in my dreams,

I drift into my sleep.

Remembering the words you said,

I wake up & weep

The dreams I used to have,

Were the ones that made me laugh.

Now the only reason i fall asleep,

So my heart won't collapse

i can't see you around to catch me,

When i fall so quickly out of sight.

You no longer tell me it'll be okay,

Or tell me everything will be alright

My Loneliness is my only friend

No Longer you visit me In My dreams

Now i sleep alone in my bed,

to see you and remember all what you said..

taken from:

http://stolen-moment.blogspot.com/2009/05/no-longer-u-visit-me-in-my-dreams.html

My Recent Playlist

Who cares what I am listening to anyway..
just wanted to share with anyone who read this blog..or just simply stumbled across it.
Here is the list of the songs I have been listening to:

1. Broken Strings - James Morrison & Nelly Furtado
2. Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow - Amy Winehouse
3. Love Is A Losing Game - Amy Winehouse

as a surrogate of Rude Boy by Rihanna..since this song has a great destructive impact on my brain.

The Starry Night

The Starry Night


Do you know what happened to Van Gogh when he drew this painting?

Presence

How much can you appreciate one's presence?

not much, i guess..

not much until you realize the meaning and value of that person's presence until she has gone

..away from all of your senses..

you can no longer see..
..touch..
..feel..
..hear..

unless your love is pure and tender
she will always be there for you


you will still be able to see her..
..touch her..
..feel her..
..hear her..
with your heart


but never approach her if you have no good intention
for her soul is fragile now


step back
self-reflect

and come to her back when you can always be there for her

Down

Am: Down Again

Replied: If you place your hope in humanity, you will be let down, quite ungracefully

The hopes were not placed upon a certain individual though actually..Hopes are only placed upon Allah. But still remember one fact, that hopes are ALWAYS ABOUT something..and that also including human and his humanity..


I would rather stop hoping I guess..it's all just about an endless futile circle

unless a certain decision is made clear and firm

O M G

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......speechless......
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Is This The End?

...and at the and you have to step back and be strong indefinitely...

(though my heart is not ready yet for everything to be over)

I am going to be just fine!

You are strong, Amanda!!

for Allah will never fail you and He is the only owner of all love in the universe

Sedih

Gw sedih
Gw bingung what to do...

Seems like I was just being wasted..dia ngga ngerti gimana rasanya jadi Amanda
yang diposisikan seperti ini..walaupun gw tau posisi dia juga sulit

Ya Allah..please show me the way and clues..

Flooding Yogyakarta

A raining afternoon in Yogyakarta

what a day that I was trapped doing nothing at a printing shop!!

..I hate waiting..

That parking man was trying to move my motorcycle away from the traffic

Before the blackout and rain started to fall down, I was happily planning that my research bundles would get done by 7 p.m. and it ended up that I needed to wait for 2 hours in the dark at the printing shop...

Instead of being a complete dumb stupid statue staying inside the darkness, I would rather staring at my poor little motorcycle flooded at the side of the street (before the parking man moved it away to the safer and shallower place)

Oh..you poor little motorbike..

My main activity that time was taking pictures..geez..what a waste!!!

After waiting for 2 hours..not less but probably more..the water shrank down, all tyres were completely seen rocking on wet road..thanks God~

I finally finished printing my final research scripts and got them bundled at 8.30 p.m.

What a day and what a waste for the 2 hour-waiting doing NOTHING

..and this is by the way the first time I saw the flooded Yogyakarta..

YEARN

Longing for something uncertain is absolutely gonna make you sick, people..

Getting Inspired

Just read some posts made by my friend, Rainintha Siahaan, a student of University of Indonesia concentrating in International Affairs

here is the link to her blog: http://raspberryx.blogspot.com/


..all came out on my mind was "Wow Hell, such an awesome blog writer!" I cannot agree more that she is totally brilliant, vibrant, daring and excellent at all things she does and deals with.

I am proud of you, Rain! ^_^

and I do miss you lotzz!

Rain & I at Bhangra Dance Socialization Day in International Relation Office, NTU
Singapore 2009

Web Camera

...Testing my web camera...
is it good enough to capture some vids?

A Whisper of The Heart

I think I need to step back and let him go..

I just don't know how..and when..and I'm not sure if I'm strong enough for that

this feeling has been growing..and it is still growing..inevitably and always

Whenever I want to reach him, the condition simply doesn't allow me to

Whenever I want to say something, I don't feel justified to say it

Whenever I end my pray everyday, I have to think what I ask God for..whether it is fair for everyone involved..

Whenever I want to hear his voice, all I do is just close my eyes, lay my body on the bed and get those memories back to those phone calls or Yahoo Messenger calls

I can't blame the feeling I have..all I have to do is just being strong and accepting

I wish I could have a pretty long phone call to tell you all the truth I have been feeling, hero..

and that you have the wills to listen to my rambles..

I was not sure of what I felt for you back then but now I am..

..that I love you

Waiting

It hasn't been replied for almost two months..and other messages as well..maybe they were just simply not necessary to be replied on..things changed over time and you have to be ready for anything, Amanda..and stop all inevitable hopes by now and please leave them there..nothing is happening..

Things keep coming and going..

One day you may feel the happiness, the laughter, the joy

but in the other day you may cry hard and feel the emptiness

One day you may feel that your presence is worthy

but in the other day you may feel that your presence is nothing but ash

One day you can fall for someone so much

but in the other day you may feel your feeling for that person has gone by the wind

One day you can be sure that "he is there"

but in the other day you may be unsure of where he is

One day he said something that made me feel secure

but in the other day I couldn't feel his presence..

he is gone..

Gone with his own life that I have to respect and support

I really need to leave all these inevitable hopes soon

otherwise the cracks will get even bigger over time

and they will hurt a lot when the acid rain falls down to them..

Let his happiness be my happiness

be strong, girl..

New Jobs

TRANSLATING documents written in Indonesian language into English..

As a way to improve my ability
As a way to enlarge my experience
As a way of learning..



Anyone who needs my help, please contact me at +6285697010097

InshaAllah I will do my best ^_^


critics and suggestions, please send an email to amanda_n_shinta@yahoo.com

Raindrops at the Traffic Light Junction

4:22 AM btw,,several days ago I was on my way home at 11 pm..

it was raining sooo hard and I was alone getting back home from the hospital on my motorbike

4:23 AM the street was quite empty..

with the rain pouring on the ground..no cars and morotbikes honking to each other

even though it was soo hard raining

4:24 AM I could feel peace that night..I thanked Allah for letting me feel that kind of atmosphere..

while waiting for the red light to turn into green..

4:25 AM I was watching the rain drops hitting the ground beautifully because of the street lighting at the corner of the junction making it looked like pearls

4:26 AM I loved that

and I thought of you when I was watching the rain drops at that junction..

4:27 AM "Alex would love this"..that's what popped up on my head

and then i smiled..