A Whisper of The Heart

I think I need to step back and let him go..

I just don't know how..and when..and I'm not sure if I'm strong enough for that

this feeling has been growing..and it is still growing..inevitably and always

Whenever I want to reach him, the condition simply doesn't allow me to

Whenever I want to say something, I don't feel justified to say it

Whenever I end my pray everyday, I have to think what I ask God for..whether it is fair for everyone involved..

Whenever I want to hear his voice, all I do is just close my eyes, lay my body on the bed and get those memories back to those phone calls or Yahoo Messenger calls

I can't blame the feeling I have..all I have to do is just being strong and accepting

I wish I could have a pretty long phone call to tell you all the truth I have been feeling, hero..

and that you have the wills to listen to my rambles..

I was not sure of what I felt for you back then but now I am..

..that I love you

Waiting

It hasn't been replied for almost two months..and other messages as well..maybe they were just simply not necessary to be replied on..things changed over time and you have to be ready for anything, Amanda..and stop all inevitable hopes by now and please leave them there..nothing is happening..

Things keep coming and going..

One day you may feel the happiness, the laughter, the joy

but in the other day you may cry hard and feel the emptiness

One day you may feel that your presence is worthy

but in the other day you may feel that your presence is nothing but ash

One day you can fall for someone so much

but in the other day you may feel your feeling for that person has gone by the wind

One day you can be sure that "he is there"

but in the other day you may be unsure of where he is

One day he said something that made me feel secure

but in the other day I couldn't feel his presence..

he is gone..

Gone with his own life that I have to respect and support

I really need to leave all these inevitable hopes soon

otherwise the cracks will get even bigger over time

and they will hurt a lot when the acid rain falls down to them..

Let his happiness be my happiness

be strong, girl..